L.A. Barhopper Mystery Bus Tour: A Night of Accidental Debauchery

Trying to start a drinking game

Ugh, my head hurts. I haven’t had a hangover like this since…I don’t know when. What’s funny is that before I got on board L.A. Barhopper’s Mystery Bus Tour, I swore to myself and my friends that I wasn’t going to get plastered. Usually two drinks is my max, for practical reasons. But I guess I just got carried away with the spirit of the bus.

Nope, before the night was over I would have unwittingly consumed three Jameson & Cokes, three swigs from a flask of Jack Daniels, a Black and Tan and a bottle of Newcastle. Yup. Don’t know what happened there.

The evening started off innocent enough. We showed up at Joxer Daly’s in Culver City. Brian, the party bus tour director, told us we could order anything off the menu for free. Sweet! and a good idea to pad the stomach to prepare it for the night’s festivities. My group of friends and crackhead readers made fast friends with the other would-be passengers as we all sat together and shared our orders of fries, quesadillas, and chicken fingers.

Brian took this time to have us sign a waiver basically saying we’d be responsible for ourselves. So it was up to us to have a designated driver and/or cut ourselves off before we got back in our cars at the end of the night. Fortunately, I went with my friend Erin who said she’d be my designated driver.

At 9 we all boarded the bus. First stop was a liquor store since no one BYOB’d, which you’re allowed to on the bus. I wasn’t a big drinker in college but for some reason I felt like we were a bunch of college kids, even though we were all in our 30s, as we swarmed a corner liquor store and stocked up on flasks of hard liquor and beer. I got a flask of Jack and some Newcastle to split with my friends.

Back on the bus, Brian via a megaphone told us the rules of the bus. The only one I remembered was “No throwing up out the bus windows.” Fair enough.

A busty blonde with crazy big hair named George was the bus cheerleader (for lack of a better word), trying to get us to play drinking games while shouting instructions through a megaphone. Unfortunately, no one was all that drunk yet and we couldn’t really understand what she was asking us to do so we just laughed nervously and waited for our next stop.

George provided a lot of entertainment for us, trying to get us to dance, performing lap dances for everyone, getting in a minor skirmish and being, um, verrrry friendly in general. Turns out she used to be wrestler Randy Savage’s girlfriend and was known in WCW circles as Gorgeous George. Now she’s married to a member of the Misfits. Interesting girl, that George.

The bars we hit that night were the Mint, Casey’s and the Mountain Bar. We were supposed to do Bar 107 instead of the Mountain Bar but were unable to get in since “they didn’t know it was going to be that crowded.” What? On a Saturday night? They didn’t plan on being busy? So I was disappointed by that, especially since I’ve been wanting to check out Bar 107 for awhile now.

Casey’s was the deadest venue of the night. An Irish bar downtown, our group of 16 basically took over the joint. I asked Brian how he picks the bars the bus goes to and basically they’re sponsors of L.A. Barhopper’s magazine. I suggested that he do a tour with just wine bars since there are a lot of those now. You know, start the night at San Antonio Winery and have people pack picnics. How fun would that be? But I don’t know if that inspired him.

When we got back on the bus after the Mountain Bar, I passed out and wasn’t feeling well at all. But apparently here are some of the things I missed (as told to me by my friends there that night): The bus driver got us lost for an hour, the bus stopped so someone could take a public bathroom break, two drunk girls made out in the back of the bus, a drunken shouting match with harsh words ensued between some passengers, George yelled at people through the megaphone some more, and someone yacked out the bus window. Yeah, I missed quite a bit.

Would I do this again? I would with a bunch of friends. It just sounds like a better option with a big group, that way you and your 10 friends don’t have to worry about parking, DUIs and paying for covers. Now, if Brian did a wine bar tour, I’d be all over that.

NEXT BUS TOUR: SATURDAY, MARCH 31 from 8pm to 2am for $29.99

33 Responses to L.A. Barhopper Mystery Bus Tour: A Night of Accidental Debauchery
  1. hollywood
    February 25, 2007 | 9:48 pm

    Thanks for taking one, er, eight(?) for the team.

  2. Jonathan
    February 25, 2007 | 10:00 pm

    hHAHAHAhaha that rocks! you lightweight.

  3. Caroline
    February 25, 2007 | 11:01 pm

    Lightweight? I drank 8 drinks! Blech.

  4. andy
    February 26, 2007 | 1:13 am

    holy shit that really WAS Gorgeous George?!? no wonder I had nightmares last night.

    A few DT places we didn’t hit but shoulda:

    Bordello (formerly known as Little Pedro’s)

    Redwood 2nd Street Saloon — Arrrr! It’s a pirate themed bar near the Times building.

    626 Reserve & Gallery — Yep! It’s a wine bar! Sounds interesting but never been there.

    La Cita — also downtown, also never been there. Supposedly Thurs nite is THE night here.

    finally,

    The Bar @ Hotel Fig — can’t go wrong here, however, you might just fall into the pool.

  5. robert dean
    February 26, 2007 | 7:24 am

    Sounds like you had a lot a fun until crashing. You still haven’t been to Bar 107?

  6. Booze Bus Alumnus
    February 26, 2007 | 9:03 am

    Everyone wanted to kill George. In fact, somebody almost did. At the end of the night, when the bus driver got lost for the second time and most people were either sleeping or throwing up, George almost got in a fight with a guy (yes, a guy) in the back of the bus, owing to some creepy white-trash dispute. George had awesome communication skills. In addition to calling everyone onboard “fucking pussies” and “fags,” she was also fond of the word “nigga”–a term which most normal white people use only among their close friends. I admired George’s verve, but we were all hoping she’d be forgotten, left behind by the bus, and eaten by sharks in the middle of the ocean. No such luck.

    At the end of the night, she tried to get my phone number (trust me, this isn’t bragging), and I sort of nervously shuffled away, mumbling about “I don’t have any business cards” and “it was nice meeting you, George.” For a second I thought she wanted to grapple.

    All in all, a fun night, but most of us can have fun pretty much anywhere–I even liked the acoustic guitar band at the Mint–and I’m not convinced the booze bus is a necessary factor in anyone’s party equation. Particularly when the bus driver, trying to get to Culver City at 2:00 a.m., ends up in Beverly Hills.

  7. Caroline
    February 26, 2007 | 9:24 am

    Andy, actually we were supposed to stop at Bordello’s but that got canceled last minute. I forget why.

  8. Mikey
    February 26, 2007 | 9:37 am

    lol, my bad for the public bathroom break!

  9. LA BARHOPPER
    February 26, 2007 | 9:57 am

    Well it sounds like everyone had a pretty good time. I was asked at the begining of the bus by one rider, how long does it take to find the “problem” riders. Well I had invited George knowing that she was the “wild card” of the bunch. I wasn’t wrong. And for all the cursing, aggravated lap dances and near brawls… I thought she provided the night with some REAL excitement. Say what you want, her racial slurs can’t be taken too seriously given her interaction with the African American woman she hooked up and went home with. And as far as going to some of the other bars that were mentioned. Bordello had a private event, Redwood has given me the run around for months and has even gone as far as taking a meeting with me, apparantly only to inform me that they are starting DOWNTOWN BARHOPPER, so excuse me if I’m a little reticent to bring a bus around for them. La Cita was a serious contender but the problem on Sat night is exactly what happened at BAR 107… no room for a bus full of people. Thats why places like Casey’s work for us, theres always going to be room for a big group. Hotel Fig no thanks and 626 reserve will have to wait for the “COC Mystery Wine Bar Tour” if it’s still open at that time. For the record it was a great bus tour and It was great to finally meet Caroline and her friends. Thanks so much for coming, leaving great feedback and keep an eye out for Georges “Strip Club Tour” coming soon… hahaha

  10. Chris
    February 26, 2007 | 10:03 am

    Go to Bar 107. There are a lot of local crazy people that shouldn’t be missed.

  11. Caroline
    February 26, 2007 | 10:53 am

    Wait, so George DID go home with that lady? I was going to include that in the post cuz someone said that but then I thought, she’s married that can’t be. Naive me.

  12. Carm
    February 26, 2007 | 11:14 am

    I have been to La Cita on Friday nights for Punky Reggae. It gets really packed in that little place and the dj’s spin reggae and old school punk all night long. They have a small dancefloor, its dimly lit with xmas lights. That little place gets rockn, have to go check it out on Thursday nights according to andy!

  13. Carm
    February 26, 2007 | 11:15 am

    ps sounds like u had a blast, maybe i’ll have to get on the fun bus next time!

  14. boobs radley
    February 26, 2007 | 12:59 pm

    i LOVE the winebar tour idea. i think you should start that up somehow, and keep me posted!

  15. LA BARHOPPER
    February 27, 2007 | 12:53 pm

    OK OK all ready, we’ll have a wine bar tour…not sure when, but also we do an all day LA to Santa Barbara (on a regular luxury coach bus) this summer…don’t miss that one is soooo fun. 9am – 9pm

  16. silent observer
    February 28, 2007 | 3:12 pm

    To “booze bus alum” most “normal white people shouldn’t use the slang term “nigga” with close friend (behind closed doors) because chances are that u are using it in the most derrogatory way imaginable. I think you are probably one of the small men (both figuratively and literally) who were upset because Gorgeous George didn’t give YOU the attention she gave to someone else. Your ego seems to spew such negativity about someone you wanted but could not have. Thank God for Gorgeous George, without her the bus tour would have been a huge bore. At least she was exciting and funny loving. I do believe I heard her use that certain racial term that is usually thought of in a derrogatory sense until used by Whites and Blacks to make millions in rap videos but she said it in conversation w/ a Black female who was conversing and hanging out with. WHERE DO YOU SAY IT? Right, behind closed doors like the closeted HATER you are.
    To Caroline: you are coming way to close to being a very unreliable gossiper if you were going to write that she went home with some based on what you thought you heard AND even if they did get in the car together you do know where they did ot didn’t go. Breathe, stay awake next time collect more facts and embrace the live wires (George) that give your piece any excitement whatsoever.

  17. I'm game
    February 28, 2007 | 3:17 pm

    I agree with silent observer. George was cool.

    Wine bar tour in Santa Barbara sound good. I’m game.

  18. I'm game
    February 28, 2007 | 3:21 pm

    PS What happened to the positive comments about George? There are ghosts in the machines. If you are going to leave the Booze alum comment in, it’s only far to have silent observers comment

  19. silent observer
    February 28, 2007 | 3:36 pm

    My previous remarks to “Booze alumnus” were erased… essentially Booze I believe you are a small man, both figuratively and literally. You were probably one of the many guys who wanted Gorgeous George to go home with YOU but she didn’t and now you spew negativity about the one live wire on the bus. Thank God for Gorgeous George, she turned a sedate Saturday bus ride into an exciting event. Don’t HATE, appreciate! The racial term she used was in conversation w/ the Black female she conversed with during the evening, unlike YOU who probably save it for racial jokes you would never say to a Black person. And maybe she didnt go home with ANYONE. Did anyone think of that? George was cool…in the opinion of a a silent observer.

  20. Caroline
    February 28, 2007 | 3:57 pm

    Nah, I don’t erase comments unless there’s a lot of unnecessary cussing in it (which doesn’t happen that often). Or most of the time my spam filter snags them and I’d have to handpick the comments from the spam. But if they don’t show up right away it’s cuz you’re a new user so your comment has to wait to be “moderated,” something I don’t check all the time. Sorry!

    As for your message addressed to me, “silent observer,” I’m not sure what you’re saying here. What does this mean: “you are coming way to close to being a very unreliable gossiper if you were going to write that she went home with some based on what you thought you heard AND even if they did get in the car together you do know where they did ot didn’t go.” Huh?

    If I understand you correctly, you’re saying that I said I was going to write about George going home with that lady, when in fact I didn’t write that. I only vaguely mentioned that two girls were making out in the back of the bus at the end of the night. LA Barhopper was the one who brought light to the situation as he witnessed it.

  21. Mikey
    February 28, 2007 | 4:10 pm

    Got my popcorn ready. Love the drama!

    And George performed for me on the bus utilizing her strip club experience. And I didn’t have to give her any singles!

  22. silent observer
    February 28, 2007 | 4:13 pm

    i just thought “booze alumnus” was harsh.

    obvious typos, but you got the picture..

  23. Mikey
    February 28, 2007 | 4:55 pm

    If your name was really “silent observer”, then you would never post right!?! Just observe!

  24. Jennifer
    February 28, 2007 | 6:13 pm

    Silent observer, you’re making the same unsubstantiated claims that you’re accusing other people of making. Get a grip.

  25. I'm game
    March 1, 2007 | 7:44 am

    EVERYONE get a grip. George was cool….sounds like we really need a wine tour.

  26. Booze Bus Alumnus
    March 1, 2007 | 1:43 pm

    Silent Observer,

    The “nigga” aside I made was clearly a joke; your baseless assumption about my being racist are indicative that you’re a moron with absolutely no sense of humor. This isn’t surprising; judging from your post, you’re also illiterate.

    This may not be your fault. You’re probably the product of a miserable household and CA’s wretched public schools. However, you should at least be aware of your limitations, stay true to your namesake, and stay silent next time. Take your own advice: “Don’t HATE, appreciate!”

    Word up, my dumb nigga.

  27. astonished
    March 4, 2007 | 11:36 pm

    Booze, you are clearly an idiot, and you do not represent “normal white people”.

  28. Booze Bus Alumnus
    March 6, 2007 | 3:36 pm

    Astonished,

    You are clearly a filthy, dirty whore.

  29. LA BARHOPPER
    March 8, 2007 | 12:54 pm

    Wow, it’s still going, is this the most comments of any post or what? I just hope everyone comes on the COC Mystery “Wine Bar” tour April, 28th. We can settle all scores then.

  30. Caroline
    March 8, 2007 | 2:36 pm

    About that, should I give you a list of suggested wine bars or do you have some in mind?

  31. Willie
    March 14, 2007 | 11:23 am

    Remeber how fun it was to give me all your cans and bottles when you stopped for beer at Ralph’s.

    Thanks BARHOPPER

  32. […] Anyhoo, I wish I could go. I need to break in my new cell phone flask. But alas I’m saving my liver (and possible lawsuits against me, see my review of the last tour) for the Caroline on Crack wine bar bus tour next month. Woo! Wish I could partake, though, since it would be an opportune time to explore the Valley without the consequences of getting lost. But let me know via comments if you can go fer sure this Saturday and the tickets, which are normally $29.99, are yours. […]

  33. […] And it was just as well because the would-be tour bus passengers were a more sophisticated bunch than the rowdies on the last barhopper tour I was on. True, some passengers still got a bit wasted (shout out to Dre!) but there was no girl-on-girl action or crazy drunken antics…except for the couple times Brian commandeered the mic on the bus for a unintelligible karaoke performance and Dre almost put on a shadow puppet show for us at Fatty’s. […]

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